Patience my ass, I want to kill something

I am ready to start a new. Someone buy my f'n house so I can move on. Okay, so I have only had it for sale by owner since 09/01. Come on already!

On a totally unrelated matter...I got to sit in an Apache helicopter. It was awesome. It was surprising I was allowed to considering my patience level (they obviously didn't know). I was watched very closely and instructed not to touch any of the controls. Randy would have loved this opportunity. I did it for him really. Don't get me wrong, it was still exciting. I have to say that I felt pretty badass. Check out the guns and missile launchers on this baby!

Melody

Do you ever hear a song and it moves you deep in your soul? Feelings you had or feelings you've never had come rushing forward. It hits you primordially, sexually, completely emotionally. That's when you know you like it. Now that's good music.

Check out Sarah's foodie blog

My young cousin Sarah has her own foodie blog. The recipes are wonderful and easy! Check it out!



Blogger is not posting her link. I will try to correct it later. Until then....

http://ateenfoodie.blogspot.com/

Look at my orbs

Storm Damage

Okay, shingles were blowing off my roof holding up the placing my house for sale. Thank God the insurance company is going to cover it! A new roof will help me sell the house. Woo woo!

In thought

Sometimes I disappear. Five or ten minutes. I'm back. I think it's uncertainty.

Dressing the house up to sell

What keeps me

Am I emotionally, financially bound to this house? Why do I stay? I'm not happy with my job or my personal life. I took these pictures of what binds me right before I started writing. I find them unnerving.

I wish I could save my son.

My Plan

The harder I try, the harder I'm falling. I am about to be fired from my job. I have one more chance to meet the metrics and then I'm gone. All calls are recorded. All of my calls are being scrutinized. I'm called in an office to listen to my calls as they pick them apart. I have never been so micromanaged. Fire me already! I need to do a quick sale on my home and get the fuck out of Kansas City before my life is in complete shambles.

No comments necessary.

One victory

After three submissions, I finally was approved for my loan modification on my home! One down...

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No will

I don't care how hard I try, I fail. I hardly have the will to tie my shoes. Every day I manage to do that successfully. I guess that's something.

Where have I been?

I've been devastated, depressed, lonely, unhappy, angry, confused, hurt, crying, pitiful, isolated, bewildered... I haven't been blogging because I have nothing good or even eventful to write. I don't feel any passion for life or writing, it has been lost in this horrible nightmare of disbelief. What happened? In 2008, within four months, everything I loved and counted on (took for granted) was taken from me. How can you replace the irreplaceable?

Lori and I have decided we need therapy. We are doing two hour sessions each week with one another. This week Lori is to work on being mean. Yes, that's right. I want her to say what she really feels to people. I know by doing this she will gain respect. People will be saying, "Don't mess with Lori, she doesn't take any shit." I am to work on making plans to get out of the house. My therapeutic assignment is to go riding with my friend Rick. I mean really, why go to a counselor when we have each other. I tried it. I spilled my guts and then the session would be over. Hell, I tell Lori everything I told the therapist. Quite frankly it was difficult repeating it. I got no advice. I think the woman thought I would be content by talking for 40 minutes while she did nothing but listen.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, "Look out you poor bastards, Lori and I going to spill." I'm not going to say which one is which, but we are desperate and pathetic. It has got to change. I am warning you, this will be a process and not an event. Come to my blog if you need some cheer...NOT. Lori and I will be keeping you posted on our progress. I'm sure there will be some, isn't that right Lori?

I have missed all of you! I'm back.


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting." Joseph Campbell