Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Where have I been?

I've been devastated, depressed, lonely, unhappy, angry, confused, hurt, crying, pitiful, isolated, bewildered... I haven't been blogging because I have nothing good or even eventful to write. I don't feel any passion for life or writing, it has been lost in this horrible nightmare of disbelief. What happened? In 2008, within four months, everything I loved and counted on (took for granted) was taken from me. How can you replace the irreplaceable?

Lori and I have decided we need therapy. We are doing two hour sessions each week with one another. This week Lori is to work on being mean. Yes, that's right. I want her to say what she really feels to people. I know by doing this she will gain respect. People will be saying, "Don't mess with Lori, she doesn't take any shit." I am to work on making plans to get out of the house. My therapeutic assignment is to go riding with my friend Rick. I mean really, why go to a counselor when we have each other. I tried it. I spilled my guts and then the session would be over. Hell, I tell Lori everything I told the therapist. Quite frankly it was difficult repeating it. I got no advice. I think the woman thought I would be content by talking for 40 minutes while she did nothing but listen.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, "Look out you poor bastards, Lori and I going to spill." I'm not going to say which one is which, but we are desperate and pathetic. It has got to change. I am warning you, this will be a process and not an event. Come to my blog if you need some cheer...NOT. Lori and I will be keeping you posted on our progress. I'm sure there will be some, isn't that right Lori?

I have missed all of you! I'm back.

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting." Joseph Campbell


Jo said...

So good to see you back honey :-) And great that you two are giving each other strength like this.

There's this proverb..."You teach what you need to learn". It's been proved true a hundred times in my life. In sharing with Lori, you will help to heal yourself too - you will find yourself approaching her issues and questions from perspectives that really make you think about your own too. And she'll do the same. Plus of course the great listening and advice and support you can just give each other anyway. It sounds like a total win-win.

Blogging is fantastic too. Get it 'out', get it in front on you on the screen, then you can start to work on it, work around it, look at it from different angles, all that. It's so much easier whenthe hard things are 'out' and have definition. I do that. My blog is as you know private, to allow me to say exactly what I need with a few trusted friends and confidantes...That's always an option too for you, even?

Wish you girls were nearer Boston! I'd come and see you ;-). I'm here till Saturday (tho that does that make me sound rather like a stand up comedian!)

beckyboop said...

I know you are in Boston. Lori and I were wishing we could come and see you. Oh how we would love to meet you. You are strong and yet so empathetic. Your advice and words are soothing. I have to say, I am proud of you following your dreams and actually bringing them to fruition. You rock Jo!

Sir James E. Watkins said...

What a great idea, seeking one another's therapeutic council.
I think this a good idea for many reasons. But I think you too will have a sincere honesty that might not be attainable in other circumstances. Did that make sense?

I am my own therapist. It gets lonely sometimes but I'm good.
And I hardly ever disagree with myself.

I love and respect both of you,
so there you go.

Before I go though, a bit of funny:
I can't remember where I heard this at but...a chick's online she says something to her friend that is in the room: "look at this sicko. his screen name is psycho the rapist. What a sick fuck!"

Then her friend walks up behind here and says no silly, that's psychotherapist!"


Be well. Mind. Body. And Soul.

Sir James E. Watkins said...


not too. sorry.

LZ Blogger said...

Becky ~ It was so nice to see that you posted not only on my blog, but you actually had one on yours too! Sounds like it has been several tough mounths for you and for that I am truly sorry. I am sure that it must be TRYING! Hugs from me! ~ jb///

fineartist said...

It's going to be really difficult for me to be mean if I'm laughing. I laughed all the way through your last paragraph, and I really like the quote at the bottom of the post. Right on.

love you, me

Hawaiianmark said...

Hope the spirit flies true an straight.

Good wishes.

Ange said...

Psycho the rapist. Ha!!

Man, I know a lot of people in therapy right now. None of them have lost a beloved husband, either. It's for shit like anger management and issues with their moms. Those that aren't in therapy or getting bad news about relatives with serious health problems are having babies and sending out multiple shower announcements and baby stats and asking Tom what he thinks about the hole size of their nipples. If I wasn't living this, I'd be sure I was Alice, because the world is just too nutty right now. Hard to find some good salty folk who pull up their own boots and don't fall to pieces whenever the smaller stuff comes around leaving its bill in the mailbox.
I think I was on the edge a few times when I first met you ladies. I was a lucky gal to have you. Real lucky.
So count on me.
And swing my way on your road to Boston.
I've got nothing but love and respect for you.

Sir James E. Watkins said...

Oh. I remember where I got that little funny at now. My brother's going to kill me. It's part of a play he wrote that has yet to be published.

fineartist said...

I'm in on the July trip, in? I'm all over it.

You'll go with me when I take dad to the temple. Wear camo it'll be night time, or maybe just black. We could dress like Ninjas?

Sassy said...

Glad you are back! I agree with the therapy with Lori. It's hard to talk to someone, especially if you are paying for it, and they just sit there. I expect some feedback!

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. Here if you need me! I will be back to see how you're doing, so update!!!

*big hugs*