Friday, July 25, 2008

Laid-off, house-mouse, pet-peeve blues

Important Announcement...

Due to budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas, and oil, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off. We apologize for the inconvenience. (from a forwarded email)


*When you get laid off from a job you have had twelve years.

*When all potential employers want to pay you $10-$12 an hour.

*When you decide to be nice and take your son's friend home who lives five blocks away and get a ticket for doing a California stop at a four way stop with no other car in sight. ($110.00)

*When you are supposed to be following your husband on his bike to the lake and he is going so fast you are having to do ninety to keep up and you are pulled over. You know you were doing ninety. The cop does me a favor and writes me a ticket for eighty. ($105.00)

*When your old and senile cat wakes you up every morning at around six, meowing so loudly it is like a baby's screaming cry, because he is hungry. He will not stop until you get up and feed him.... I'm going to say this horrible thing, "Go to to light Bogart, go to the light".

*When you are walking across your kitchen floor bare footed and an unknown dirt source gets stuck to the bottom of your foot.

*When you have swept and dust mopped your floor and you see an animal hair ball floating across it.

*When you are vacuuming and the vacuum will not pic up something.

*When you bend down to pick it up and it is a cigar burn from someone who quit smoking cigarettes in March and has picked up the new habit.

*When you are folding t-shirts and the hem at the bottom stays curled up no matter how many times you give it the shake.

*Animal puke. Need I say more?

*When you have scrubbed your bathroom and your husband decides to take a bath (as opposed of using his shower)when he gets home from work (looks like someone dumped mop water in it).

*When a house member pees on the toilet seat or leaves a poop stripe on the back of it.

*When you sit on it.

*When your trash service does not pick up your large amount of recycling and you have to deliver it to a recycling location.

*When you go to the grocery store and are almost finished and realize you forgot something clear on the other side (really a bummer at the Super Walmart).

*When your pump grinder (temporary holding tank for your sewage that grinds it up before releasing it to the sewer), that is maintained by the city, stops working and you have sewage saturating the grass in your backyard.

*When they say they will use a shovel to dig it to fix it and instead use a backhoe that tears up your back yard (happening right now).

*When you switch phone service (you already had cable and Internet with them) because you have been laid off by the other company, and all of services have not been added as a bundle after the change. You have been charged for each service individually for three months and have called into billing countless times and it is still incorrect. You talk about being over charged, try your bill being doubled. (Isn't it ironic, don't ya think?)

*When your "all-in-one" phone, Internet, and cable service has not worked correctly for the last three months and the company keeps trying quick fixes when it is actually a tree down on an outside cable, on someone else's property, causing the problem they are choosing to ignore.

*When that company says it is the owners responsibility to have the tree removed and have no response when you tell them to remove the cable instead, leave the tree, and fix it. Claim it is not their responsibility to notify that said land owner. Still having service issues.

*When you have ordered a pay-per-view movie and it freezes right at the climax of the movie.

*When you are talking on your phone and intermittently, the other party can't hear you but you can hear them. They eventually hang up.

*When you are on you're taking a test on a potential employer's website and you are on question number seventy, your Internet service intermittently, bleeps out and you have to go back in to retake it and hope it doesn't happen again while you are.

*When you have now had 8 technicians come out to fix it and the problem persists.

I'm sure there are many others that I am forgetting. If so, I will come back and add them later.

You know what I love?

*When my blogger friends are coming to visit, go to a rock concert with me, and do that concert kinda dancing thing with me!!! Whoo woo!

There is a light. I think it is intermittent just like all my other services.


Monday, July 21, 2008

The Dream Concert - Tribute Bands

Ok...I now have 36 tickets for the tribute band concert on Saturday, 07/26/08. Come all. Bring your friends. We can meet at my house or maybe before hand at Pizza Hut. We can eat dinner and go. I'm sure the doors open at 6:00pm.

Me - 1 ticket
Lori - 1 ticket
Holly - 1 ticket
Nicki - 4 tickets
Ange - 6 tickets for you
Alan - 2 tickets - Alan, do you need more?
Shep - 1 ticket
Kelscraggs - 1 ticket
Patrick - 2 tickets - Do you need more?

Hmmm, that still leaves us with 17 tickets. Who wants to come to KC and who wants to go to the concert?

Thursday, July 03, 2008

Wooo, wooo, Joe Cocker rocks!

Pam, my sister (Lori's too, of course), went to go see Joe Cocker and The Steve Miller Band last night. Randy got us some sweet tickets, center stage, about 18 rows back. I love that man of mine.

Woooo, wooo....Joe Cocker comes out..."Give me a ticket for an aeroplane. Ain't got time to take a fast train. Lonely days are gone, I'm a going home, my Baby just wrote me a letter." Me, "Pam, it's sprinkling a little". Yes, it started sprinkling the minute Joe came out on stage. Pam and I didn't care. We were standing with our hands in the air, doing the concert-kinda dancing thing. It was great.

It starts raining harder, and harder.....Joe, "You can leave your hat on." Me, "I wished I had a hat. Ah oh Pam, better get out the rain poncho." We are using it like a tarp because we only had one. Rain is dripping off the front of it on our legs and off the back down the back of our pants. It is pouring and we are getting drenched despite our efforts. Fuck it, we are heading down to the stage to see Joe.
Joe, "Unchain my heart, baby let me go." Pam and I doing the concert-kinda dancing thing about three rows back from the stage and in the isle... Little security woman, "Mam can I see your ticket stub? Pam is actually searching her pockets, acting like she can't find it. Whatever, we didn't care, we could take her, we just kept doing the concert-kinda dancing thing. Little security woman, "You are going to have to clear the isle." Me thinking, "Hah, I could kick your ass, so I can't hear you. You are not here. (dance, dance.) " Suddenly Big Security Man rushed in on us, "CLEAR THE ISLES". Me and Pam meekly, "Okay."

Phtt, we have good seats anyway! Pam just wanted to get to the front of the stage so she could throw her bra to Joe. Joe really missed out because of that security guy. He should be fired!

Joe, "You are so beautiful to me." Oh yes, back in the day when we were young and beautiful, we wouldn't have cared about the rain. We would have been dancing and basking in the rain in our jean shorts and wet t-shirts. Now, that we are older and still beautiful, the rain was really suckin'.

Joe, "What would you do if I sang out of tune? Would you stand up and walk out on me?" Me and Pam, " Wooo, I love this song! To hell with the rain!" We were up dancing, hooting....Back up singers, "Do you need anybody?" At that moment, Joe let out his signature scream and the wind started whipping and sheets of rain began to fall. Joe, "Oh, it's gotta be somebody to love. " By this time the Joe and the band on the covered stage were getting wet as well. ....Thunder, lightning, wind, sheets of rain, our poncho flapping... The song ended and so did the concert for us! After the song, everyone jumped out of their seats and were running for cover. Not me and Pam, we were running for the car. Keep on a rockin' Steve, we gotta go!

Hey, who's coming to Kansas City on the 26th? I have tickets to the "Dream Concert" featuring the tribute bands for Pink Floyd, Led Zepplin and the Doors. Wooo, woo, we could all do that concert-kinda dancing thing together!