Sunday, September 21, 2008

Summer Slam

We rocked. I have never done the "rock on" sign before. I always felt too old. But hey, as Jethro Tull said, "You're never too old to rock-n-roll." We scored some box seats and my family and friends got into the music.
Me and my best friend. Not that there is anything wrong with it, but we looked kinda gay. Hell, I probably would marry her if she had a penis. She doesn't though, so best friend status it is.

My niece and her husband, totally in love, did the concert kinda dancin' thing. Well, they started out doing the concert kinda dancin' thing and ended up dancing their asses off. My nephew-in-law made me get off my ass and dance several times. Of course, there was a couple sitting next to us that did everything but have sex. I don't know, I am like a magnet at concerts for that kind of shit.???

Back to my neice and her husband, they reminded me of me and Randy. Randy was way too cool to dance but the dynamic of their relationship almost mirrors ours. They say what is on their minds and move on, laughing afterwards. They know what they can change and what they can't, they accept, and love whole heartedly.

Let's not forget my adopted nephew. I had to take him. He is a widower at 33. I've always loved that boy. We truly have a lot in common now. As long as they invite me to come to the concerts, I will invite him to every one of them. He told me music gets him through.

I took some of Randy's ashes there that night. I sprinkled them at his hidey-hole about 400 feet behind the stage, under a tree. He would go there to smoke and de-stress. The whole crew was there and a couple of vendors. They all respected my husband and told me they were honored to share the moment.

We screamed, danced, and laughed at the concert...because your never too old to rock-n-roll but you can be too young to die.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Looking Forward

It is nice to have something to look forward to. I am excited about next Friday. I am going to miss Ange's gathering. I will be there in spirit! I can't miss this.

Friday September 19
4pm Doors, 5pm Show
Summer Slam
Buckcherry, Seether, Shinedown, Theory of a Deadman, Saving Abel, Red Line Chemistry

Thanks to Randy's legacy, Devin and I have backstage/all access passes. We are taking friends as well. I really enjoy Seether's music and who doesn't like "Crazy Bitch" by Buck Cherry? It is the last concert of the season.

I am ready to rock.

Sunday, September 07, 2008

I can't stop or I think

It is so hard to try to relax. I try. Last night Devin spent the night with a friend. It was the first time I had been alone in the house since last summer. It was and is difficult. No matter what you do, there is a thought, a memory; good ones, bad ones. What you would give to just experience any one of them again.

I read my good friend’s poem and it got me thinking. “I am going to sit on my back deck and relax. Well, in order to relax, I am going to set up my new mini rock water fountain. I know, I have a table down in the garage that would be perfect. Oh wow, this garage is a mess.” And it was, from all of the people here after Randy passed. All the smokers hung out there. Devin had his X-Box and games all over the work bench. All were hooked into to the TV that hangs off the wall. Took all his crap and placed it strategically on a chair @#$ ? I placed tools back in Randy’s tool box. Wiped the work top down. It looked so nice. I spotted the table.

On top the table sat Randy’s old garage stereo and his broken side view mirror from his truck. I took the stereo and the mirror and placed it in a trash pile. I looked around and spotted other things to add to the pile. Randy had replaced his electric motors for his truck windows. I cleaned up the boxes with the old motors and placed them in the pile. Placed THE table inside the family room. Put everything on the desk away and dusted it. Moved other stuff back where it belonged. I vacuumed the industrial throw rugs. Oh yeh, the table.

I bring the table in, wash it up. Move it to the deck. Rinse my fountain and the rocks that go in it. I place the fountain on the table. “Hmmm, that doesn't look quite right there.” I move it around. I decide to move the rest of the deck furniture around. Finally, I move it back exactly the way it was in the first place. Place a chair in front of mine for a foot stool. Get a glass of Iced Tea. Turned on my fountain. Ahhh, I sit down. Had to move the rocks in the fountain strategically so the light would not be too bright. By this time it is completely dark and a little cool. Got up and got a blanky. Sat down. Got back up because the lights in the house were messing with my serenity (what serenity?!) Turned off the lights. Sat back down. Ahhhhh. Try to meditate.Take some deep breaths. Take some more.

Instantly flooded with memories. Cry. Breathe. Cry. Breathe. Cry. Man I want a cigarette! I want to see swirls of smoke. I realize I can see my breath. I inhale and exhale and see the swirls of smoke. A little relaxation. Inhaling fresh air and exhaling pain and loneliness. Inhaling some of it back. Watching the trees and the stars, inhaling and exhaling. Crying.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Labor Day Lake Trip

Me, Devin, and Lori went to the lake over Labor Day weekend. There were some sad moments without my husband there. I had never been without him. We did end up having a fab-a-lus time. No stories really, just some pictures.

Lori captivated all. She had Randy's Mom and sister stretching their backs. I had to grab the camera. All three laying on the ground with their legs up on the furniture. Yes, I did join them. Very, very relaxing.

Me, Lori and some of the kids went swimming. I had to crop Lori's ass out of this one or she would have killed me. Don't let the little school teacher persona fool you. She would have killed me!

Again, Lori has the children mesmerized....captivated. She kinda has her eyes closed and an odd expression, but I like this one....heehee. Go ahead and enlarge it...heehee. She will not kill me for this one. She will only rough me up a bit.

I seem to have a bit of a mohawk going on in this pic. I dunno. We are having some fun.

I saved the best for last. I took Molly on a walk. When we return, she always goes straight for the lake to cool off and get a drink. This time I was ready. I whipped out the camera and started filming. At that exact time, the neighbor's guest decided to walk his dog over. I tried to warn him but it was too late.

My dog does love people and small children, but she does not like other female dogs. I'm so sorry!

P.S. Lori's beautiful man was there. I didn't get any pictures of him. Maybe next time.