Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Landscaping at my house

I finally broke down and did a little landscaping in my yard. I always thought it would just be more work...and it is. I LIKE it. I planted two trees and added a garden in the front of the house. I wanted to extend the garden wall all the way to end the end of the house. Drats! Two stumps were in the way. I also added a picture of the mamma deer that lives in the pasture directly on the other side of the barbed wire fence in my back yard. She has twin fawns. They were so camofaged I could not get a good pic of them. What was I thinking wanting to sell my house? I'm keeping it damn it! Anyone what to be my roomate?

Monday, June 29, 2009

Party at Damon's

I had a great time this weekend. Lori, Crystal, Goldie, Connie, my dog Mollie, and I went to visit my friend Damon. Even though it took 5 hours, the drive was beautiful. The rolling hills, plateaus and the flint hills were breath taking. My cousin Darren was there as well as their friend Jane. The three of them are best friends. He blended pina coladas and grilled chicken and ribs. He served us a plethora of munchies. We swam, listened to music, did a little pool side dancing, and enjoyed wonderful conversation with friends!

We listened to 60's R&B, blues, 70's rock, and some Pagan music. Lori has been on a quest for the odd and unusual and picked up a CD at a Dragon Dance Festival. The name of the group is Spellsinger . It was very soulful and primal at the same time. I'm not sure the guys liked it as well as the girls. I thought all of the music was phenomenal!

Molly was invited to hang out with Damon's golden retriever Jake. She is actually quite smitten with him. Even the dogs had fun.

Damon took us shopping at a hippie shop. I bought a girlie skull cap and some goofy stickers. The other girls bought hippie shirts and sarongs. We all bought incense. Then he took us all out for ice cream. He knows what girls like! He is the host with the most. He spoiled all of us girls. We all love us some Damon!

Thursday, March 05, 2009

I love nice weather!

Yesterday I packed up most of Randy's clothes. It was very difficult. I was crying but still keeping it together. I was listening to Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young. The song "Our house" came on. I looked out the window and my realtor was placing the "For Sale" sign in my yard. I absolutely lost it. I was crying so hard, Devin came to console me. I hated the fact he saw me like that. He was very sweet and understanding and hugged me until I stopped. I apologized. I told him I was fine now and thanked him. The last thing I want to do is appear weak to my son. I feel he relies on my strength. It was nice enough, so I took the Sporster out for a ride to gather myself.

Today was much better. It is freakishly warm outside. It is 7:30pm and it is 71 degrees. I still have the windows open. It actually got up to 78 today. I went riding for about two hours on the Electraglide. The wind was so strong out of the south my ponytail kept coming around a slapping me in my face. It was definitely a day to keep both hands on the handlebars. Still felt so good to get my hair in the wind and my knees in the breeze. Coming back home going north the wind was at my back; no ponytail slaps. It was beautiful! I didn't even need a jacket. Came home and pattied up some burgers and Devin grilled them. That boy of mine is the GRILL MASTER!


Friday, February 20, 2009

I found a job!!!!

I found a job!!! It is a call center environment for diabetic supplies. I'll be making less than half of what I was making. What ever it takes to get me the hell out of this house. I'm stir crazy...I'm crazy crazy.

The coolest thing about it is I will be working with one of my old AT&T mates. Together, we can make this job fun. I start 03/09/09.

Now, it's Rain's turn. (There goes that "it's/its" thing again.) Get 'em Rainy!

"So, how many diabetic supplies do you need today? I will have them delivered to your door step. Don't worry, we bill Medicare directly. Have a nice day."

You all have a nice day too.


Sunday, February 15, 2009

It's vs. its

It's me and Randy. It's my Sporster. Its pipes are loud. The other is an Electraglide. It's mine as well. Its seat is comfortable.

I have always found it's and its annoying. I'm annoyed that it just doesn't seem to be common sense. I'm annoyed when people use it incorrectly. I'm annoyed when I use it incorrectly.

I had a manager that had me type a flyer for her. She taught business classes at a community college. It was to be mailed out to faculty members and students. I corrected it's to its because she meant ownership of, and she changed it back. I'll bet she thought I was stupid. I wonder if the students and faculty thought she was.

I'm bored. I am actually sharing one of my idiosyncrasies, or should I say idiot secrecy's that should probably remain secret. I always over share.

It's is a contraction for it is or it has.
Its is a possessive pronoun meaning, more or less, of it or belonging to it.
And there is absolutely, positively, no such word as its'.
A simple test
If you can replace it[']s in your sentence with it is or it has, then your word is it's; otherwise, your word is its.
Another test
Its is the neuter version of his and her. Try plugging her into your sentence where you think its belongs. If the sentence still works grammatically (if not logically) then your word is indeed its.
It's been good to know you. Contraction: it has It's a bird! It's a plane! Contraction: it is
The dodo bird is known for its inability to fly. Possessive pronoun: its inability = the dodo bird's inability


Oh, I'm bored.


Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Valentine's Day - Our 14th Anniversary

As Valentine's Day approaches, depression is setting in again. I miss my husband. I found a stack of anniversary cards he had saved that I had given him over the years. He was so much more sentimental than I ever thought, much more than me.

We were married when Devin was 3 in Lake Tahoe, California and Nevada, February 14th, 1995. We eloped at a hotel called The Calneva. Half the hotel was in California and the other in Nevada. We got our marriage license in California. Our room was in Nevada. The ceremony was done in our room. However, we had to go down to the hotel lobby, walk over the state line to be pronounced man and wife in California to make it all legal. There was a big yellow line across the floor of the hotel to signify the state line. What a beautiful part of our fine country. The scenery was absolutely breath taking. We were there for 4 days, Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday (the 14th). We had our honeymoon first and then our wedding. Oh whatever, we did everything else backward too. Saturday we went snow mobiling up in the mountains. You would not believe how beautiful it was. We took so many pictures and had so many people take pictures of us. Sunday, we were supposed to go skiing. There was a huge snow storm and we were not able to. (Thank God. I was not at all excited about slapping two sticks on my feet and plunging myself down a mountain.) We drove around town in our rented jeep and took several pictures. It was windy as hell but the dangerous part of the storm had already came in the night. The roads had been cleared. The snow banks on the side of the roads had to have been 15 feet tall. It was like some large machine had burrowed a path through the snow. The lake itself reminded me of the ocean. The waves on the beach were ferocious that day.

Randy was supposed to have put film in the camera, but forgot. Needless to say, those memories are captured in my mind. We laughed about that. I still do. We do have pictures of the ceremony, luckily we noticed right before we got married. We also have video of the storm, the view from our window and the wedding. The view from our window was like a post card and the video of our wedding, priceless.

We decided to wait until Monday to get our marriage license. We were thinking most places would be closed on the weekends and it seemed the logical choice. Nope, not in Lake Tahoe. I guess many people elope there on the weekends, not on Monday. City Hall was closed as well as all the chapels. The wedding was planned for Tuesday and desperation was setting in. We called everywhere. Finally we got a hold of a mom and pop chapel in Auburn, CA. It was a sixty mile drive, but well worth it. Ahhh, memories...

I can't find a job. Money is running out. My hope is running out.

Happy Anniversary my sweet. With your love and support, I would be fine right now no matter the circumstances. Why did you leave me?

A poem borrowed from my friend Jo's blog. It defines how I'm feeling better than any words I can say.

Into Your Light

My outstretched hands are becoming accustomed
to the solitude into which you have thrown me
more alone
than I could ever bear to be.

I am learning to live
with the death you have chosen for me,
more painful than any death
I have ever chosen to go through.

My eyes are adapting
to the darkness you have chosen for me,
darker than any darkness
I ever knew or chose.

I am learning to recognise
the many disguises of your love,
deeper than any love
I have ever experienced.

And slowly it dawns on me
being lonely is: turning to you
death is: a deep and joyous life
darkness is: finally seeing you light
and love is: being born over and over again.

Ulrich Shaeffer


Thursday, January 29, 2009

My Fish Tank for Jack and Pickles

The Godfather. Please see the video below for commentary.

Looks like there is a little schmuck on the tank. I'll have to take care of that.

I guess you can bring your mom and dad with ya if ya want. Hugs!!


Sunday, January 18, 2009

Kids, Grandma Aunt Becky is worn out

It is my niece's 6th wedding anniversary this weekend. She and her husband's relationship reminds me of mine and Randy's. I love, love, love them and their children. Cole is 5 and Cierra is 3. Tell me what the hell I was thinking to believe I could handle the both of them this weekend! I wanted to take one at a time. However, due to the extenuating circumstances I said, "Oh yes, the kids and Great Aunt Becky will have a great time! Now, you guys go have a romantic weekend."

Cole, "Grandma Aunt Becky, Grandma Aunt Becky (that is what they call me), can I play Devin's Nintendo 360?" Me, "No, you have to get dressed wash your face, brush your teeth and eat breakfast." I have never seen a child move at the speed of sound before now. He was done in five minutes. I could leave him in front of the TV from dawn to dusk and he would be happy as long as the Nintendo was on.

Cierra, "Grandma Aunt Becky, Grandma Aunt Becky, can you read me a story? Can you read me another story? Can we play hide and seek? I'm hungry, I gotta poop. I'm hungry, I gotta poop. I'm hungry. I gotta poop." I can't tell you how many times I heard that. "Can I fix your hair? Can you fix mine? Can we put makeup on? Can we play blocks? No, I changed my mind, I don't want to play blocks. No, I changed my mind, I don't want you to read me a story. Me, "We will play with blocks and you're gonna like it!!"

Friday, we went to McD's and had dinner and played and played. I felt like a hamster. A really large hamster with sore knees. Watched Nim's Island before going to bed. Great movie.

Saturday, we went to the grocery store. We got a "car cart". These small town kids were in heaven. It was like a trip to the carnival for them. Came home and had kid hors d'oeuvres. We had cheese cubes, apple chunks and diced hot dogs on toothpicks. Neither of them poked their eyes out with them, which was a relief to me. We watched The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian and snacked on popcorn and Goldfish. Another fab movie.

Sunday we went to the Wonderscope Children's Museum. A different adventure waited in every room. Cierra and I went grocery shopping with her mini cart and Cole checked us out. We went to the moon and gathered moon rock. We celebrated H2Oh! We experimented with flowing, squirting and splashing. Constructed pipes for more flowing. There were little boats and rubber duckies. There was a real sea turtle and Iguana. The hospital room was the kid's favorite, paging Dr. Cole, paging Dr Cierra...Off to the art room where we painted each other's faces and sported blue mustaches for the rest of the day. We played with huge vacuum hoses that sucked in scarves and furry balls and blew them out (my personal favorite). We dropped golf balls down rails that went loopty loop and round and round. We went in a submarine constructed mostly of Lego's. We wore vests with little plastic air tanks on the back, goggles, and swimming fins. Ahhh, it was so funny watching all the little kids trip and fall with those fins on. I know, I'm sick.

"Grandma Aunt Becky, you are beautiful and awesome. I love you."

We have had a lot of fun. I am definitely ready to take them home tomorrow. Grandma Aunt Becky needs her beauty sleep so she can be awesome some more.


Tuesday, January 13, 2009

These bags are heavy. I can't carry any more.

Some people I love disappoint me so. The decisions they make truly effect me and my life. I know it sounds selfish. I have helped, supported, and fought for them. Their actions not only hurt them but all who are around that love them.

I can't take anymore disappointment to the degree it has been thrust upon me and that I have thrust upon myself because of love. There comes a point when you have to let them face the consequences for their own bad choices in life. Shame on me if I come to the rescue for their careless choices. That pain is transferred to me. They choose to repeat the same behavior expecting different results, but I no longer want to. I can no longer carry the load of someone who chooses to inflict or invite pain on themselves. It sickens me.

I'm so sad and disappointed. I feel the pain of loss of those loved ones.

Sometimes when I'm doing busy work, spending time with a friend, or even enjoying a movie, I forget for awhile. It is like a sudden and unexpected slap in the face when you remember, "My husband is gone, I have no job. I have a teenager to raise with no help. Lord, give me the strength. I have to do this. I have no choice. I can't carry this pain with me forever. It is too heavy. I certainly can't expect anyone else to. This is pain I did not choose, but is mine. I feel like a victim, but will not remain one. I have steps I must take."

Please overcome whatever reason you invite pain in your life. It not only effects you. It effects everyone around you. Misery loves company? No, misery loves miserable company. I picture it like this... large bags wrapped around your neck, slung over your shoulders, wrapped around your ankles, your hunched over, trudging and dragging while the owner of it all walks in front of you empty handed and/or collecting more. Your back, neck and shoulders ache. Your legs are so tired you are not sure you can take another step. They are still miserable, but have succeeded in making you as miserable if not more, because you are carrying their load.

You, "Can you please help me with some of your luggage? I have some of my own that are quite heavy and I'm exhausted." Them, "You know what I have been through. Of course, I'm not going to deal with it myself. I will think you are a bad person if you don't. No, if you really love me and want my love, you will have to carry it all."

It is pathetic and desperate. I didn't mind carrying them temporarily, but I will not carry them forever or over and over again. I have dropped them. You have to clean up the mess and pick up the pieces. Get rid of them because I will not carry them again.

I don't care if I'm grammatically correct. I had to purge. Please, do not carry any of my grief with you!!! I would not wish that on anyone. I mean it!

I am going to be alright. It is going to be alright.

...... I just felt this overwhelming feeling to add, "Jo, we are going to be alright."

Sunday, January 04, 2009

My friend is so cool, he doesn't care if you think he is cool

One of my best friends in the world! He builds bad ass, yet affordable VW trikes. Check him out in this video! I'm going to visit him and his wife. I can't wait. I love those guys! They make me laugh. Hardly anything better than laughter.