Friday, March 19, 2010

One victory

After three submissions, I finally was approved for my loan modification on my home! One down...


Thursday, March 18, 2010

No will

I don't care how hard I try, I fail. I hardly have the will to tie my shoes. Every day I manage to do that successfully. I guess that's something.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Where have I been?

I've been devastated, depressed, lonely, unhappy, angry, confused, hurt, crying, pitiful, isolated, bewildered... I haven't been blogging because I have nothing good or even eventful to write. I don't feel any passion for life or writing, it has been lost in this horrible nightmare of disbelief. What happened? In 2008, within four months, everything I loved and counted on (took for granted) was taken from me. How can you replace the irreplaceable?

Lori and I have decided we need therapy. We are doing two hour sessions each week with one another. This week Lori is to work on being mean. Yes, that's right. I want her to say what she really feels to people. I know by doing this she will gain respect. People will be saying, "Don't mess with Lori, she doesn't take any shit." I am to work on making plans to get out of the house. My therapeutic assignment is to go riding with my friend Rick. I mean really, why go to a counselor when we have each other. I tried it. I spilled my guts and then the session would be over. Hell, I tell Lori everything I told the therapist. Quite frankly it was difficult repeating it. I got no advice. I think the woman thought I would be content by talking for 40 minutes while she did nothing but listen.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, "Look out you poor bastards, Lori and I going to spill." I'm not going to say which one is which, but we are desperate and pathetic. It has got to change. I am warning you, this will be a process and not an event. Come to my blog if you need some cheer...NOT. Lori and I will be keeping you posted on our progress. I'm sure there will be some, isn't that right Lori?

I have missed all of you! I'm back.

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting." Joseph Campbell