Thursday, January 29, 2009

My Fish Tank for Jack and Pickles

The Godfather. Please see the video below for commentary.

Looks like there is a little schmuck on the tank. I'll have to take care of that.

I guess you can bring your mom and dad with ya if ya want. Hugs!!


Sunday, January 18, 2009

Kids, Grandma Aunt Becky is worn out

It is my niece's 6th wedding anniversary this weekend. She and her husband's relationship reminds me of mine and Randy's. I love, love, love them and their children. Cole is 5 and Cierra is 3. Tell me what the hell I was thinking to believe I could handle the both of them this weekend! I wanted to take one at a time. However, due to the extenuating circumstances I said, "Oh yes, the kids and Great Aunt Becky will have a great time! Now, you guys go have a romantic weekend."

Cole, "Grandma Aunt Becky, Grandma Aunt Becky (that is what they call me), can I play Devin's Nintendo 360?" Me, "No, you have to get dressed wash your face, brush your teeth and eat breakfast." I have never seen a child move at the speed of sound before now. He was done in five minutes. I could leave him in front of the TV from dawn to dusk and he would be happy as long as the Nintendo was on.

Cierra, "Grandma Aunt Becky, Grandma Aunt Becky, can you read me a story? Can you read me another story? Can we play hide and seek? I'm hungry, I gotta poop. I'm hungry, I gotta poop. I'm hungry. I gotta poop." I can't tell you how many times I heard that. "Can I fix your hair? Can you fix mine? Can we put makeup on? Can we play blocks? No, I changed my mind, I don't want to play blocks. No, I changed my mind, I don't want you to read me a story. Me, "We will play with blocks and you're gonna like it!!"

Friday, we went to McD's and had dinner and played and played. I felt like a hamster. A really large hamster with sore knees. Watched Nim's Island before going to bed. Great movie.

Saturday, we went to the grocery store. We got a "car cart". These small town kids were in heaven. It was like a trip to the carnival for them. Came home and had kid hors d'oeuvres. We had cheese cubes, apple chunks and diced hot dogs on toothpicks. Neither of them poked their eyes out with them, which was a relief to me. We watched The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian and snacked on popcorn and Goldfish. Another fab movie.

Sunday we went to the Wonderscope Children's Museum. A different adventure waited in every room. Cierra and I went grocery shopping with her mini cart and Cole checked us out. We went to the moon and gathered moon rock. We celebrated H2Oh! We experimented with flowing, squirting and splashing. Constructed pipes for more flowing. There were little boats and rubber duckies. There was a real sea turtle and Iguana. The hospital room was the kid's favorite, paging Dr. Cole, paging Dr Cierra...Off to the art room where we painted each other's faces and sported blue mustaches for the rest of the day. We played with huge vacuum hoses that sucked in scarves and furry balls and blew them out (my personal favorite). We dropped golf balls down rails that went loopty loop and round and round. We went in a submarine constructed mostly of Lego's. We wore vests with little plastic air tanks on the back, goggles, and swimming fins. Ahhh, it was so funny watching all the little kids trip and fall with those fins on. I know, I'm sick.

"Grandma Aunt Becky, you are beautiful and awesome. I love you."

We have had a lot of fun. I am definitely ready to take them home tomorrow. Grandma Aunt Becky needs her beauty sleep so she can be awesome some more.


Tuesday, January 13, 2009

These bags are heavy. I can't carry any more.

Some people I love disappoint me so. The decisions they make truly effect me and my life. I know it sounds selfish. I have helped, supported, and fought for them. Their actions not only hurt them but all who are around that love them.

I can't take anymore disappointment to the degree it has been thrust upon me and that I have thrust upon myself because of love. There comes a point when you have to let them face the consequences for their own bad choices in life. Shame on me if I come to the rescue for their careless choices. That pain is transferred to me. They choose to repeat the same behavior expecting different results, but I no longer want to. I can no longer carry the load of someone who chooses to inflict or invite pain on themselves. It sickens me.

I'm so sad and disappointed. I feel the pain of loss of those loved ones.

Sometimes when I'm doing busy work, spending time with a friend, or even enjoying a movie, I forget for awhile. It is like a sudden and unexpected slap in the face when you remember, "My husband is gone, I have no job. I have a teenager to raise with no help. Lord, give me the strength. I have to do this. I have no choice. I can't carry this pain with me forever. It is too heavy. I certainly can't expect anyone else to. This is pain I did not choose, but is mine. I feel like a victim, but will not remain one. I have steps I must take."

Please overcome whatever reason you invite pain in your life. It not only effects you. It effects everyone around you. Misery loves company? No, misery loves miserable company. I picture it like this... large bags wrapped around your neck, slung over your shoulders, wrapped around your ankles, your hunched over, trudging and dragging while the owner of it all walks in front of you empty handed and/or collecting more. Your back, neck and shoulders ache. Your legs are so tired you are not sure you can take another step. They are still miserable, but have succeeded in making you as miserable if not more, because you are carrying their load.

You, "Can you please help me with some of your luggage? I have some of my own that are quite heavy and I'm exhausted." Them, "You know what I have been through. Of course, I'm not going to deal with it myself. I will think you are a bad person if you don't. No, if you really love me and want my love, you will have to carry it all."

It is pathetic and desperate. I didn't mind carrying them temporarily, but I will not carry them forever or over and over again. I have dropped them. You have to clean up the mess and pick up the pieces. Get rid of them because I will not carry them again.

I don't care if I'm grammatically correct. I had to purge. Please, do not carry any of my grief with you!!! I would not wish that on anyone. I mean it!

I am going to be alright. It is going to be alright.

...... I just felt this overwhelming feeling to add, "Jo, we are going to be alright."

Sunday, January 04, 2009

My friend is so cool, he doesn't care if you think he is cool

One of my best friends in the world! He builds bad ass, yet affordable VW trikes. Check him out in this video! I'm going to visit him and his wife. I can't wait. I love those guys! They make me laugh. Hardly anything better than laughter.