Sunday, October 22, 2006

The I'm falling apart rant

The other day, I'm eating one of my favorite snacks; pickles and cream cheese wrapped in ham. Mmmm. Suddenly, I bite into something extremely crunchy. Mmmm, no not really. I think, “Oh gross, what in the flippin hell was in the ham?” I realize, it is my tooth. Not the tooth behind my canine, but the next one. Sh*t!

I call my dentist's office. I talk to John, my wonderful gay friend receptionist there, I love him, and he sets me up an emergency appointment. I go in to find I need a root canal and crown. Not only that, but my canine is dying and I need a root canal and crown for it as well. Wait, that's not all. I have two molars that are cracked and need crowns for those before they need root canals. Ahhh, the cost, $2,300. I immediately start complaining about the amount of money I'm going to have to shit. My dentist informs me, “I need some bling bling for my thing thing, homie. And you're about to help me out.” Yeh, I know, he's kinda funny, but I will not be able to get any bling bling for myself for a long time. But wait, that's not all.

I guess I'm going to HAVE get some bling bling after all. The next day, I glance down at my wedding band in admiration, you know, like we girls do from time to time, and realize I'm missing a diamond! I drop the “F” bomb. My symbol of love for my husband looks like shit. I looked everywhere. Could not find the diamond. Hmmm, decisions, decisions....Should I go without toofers or the diamond from my wedding band?

D*mn it, I will not go without either! Lets see...which credit card can I use? Okay, another $370.

But wait....not only do you receive two root canals, four crowns, and a new diamond for your ring...I get up this morning and I'm freezing my tataas off. It's 60 degrees in my house. The furnace is just blowing air. Thank Jod! My 25 year old heater only needed a thermo coupling.

Tooth repair, $2300, ring repair, $370, thermo coupling, $5.99, paid for with cash; priceless!

Needless to say, I will be able to keep my toofers, my wedding band, and my tataas. We may not have a Christmas, but with these repairs, I will be happy, and I'll have the peace of mind that my husband will not trade me in on a newer model.


beckyboop said...

I thought I would let everyone know, I'm beginning to feel better and have an appointment set up with a hormone specialist on 11/06. Look out, I'm at the end of the road to recovery! :)

Writer Mom said...

I so hope you can make it to St. Louis. We'll put some spring in your step.
I showed Tom your email with the price list and he said,"That's actually cheaper than my office." Provided, of course, that you need the work. If you don't get anything done by Wednesday, perhaps Tom can take a look see and give his professional opinion. If he can think of cheaper repair work, you might just have to make a trip to Indy. :)
I'd love the company in the hotel.
And I'd love to see your sister, too.

Glad you're feeling better.
Really glad.

fineartist said...

Do you think we could really do it?

I mean really do you think we could pull it off?

Rachey wants to go too, she can't of course but she wants to. That's a good sign, yah? I'm thinkin' she's getting better.

I love you doo da day, love you to pieces...and yah, you can rub my temple while I recline....I'm thinkin' we have done far crazier things in this life....ya know?

Sassy said...

When it rains, it pours. I'm glad you are feeling better. :)

zilla said...

Toofies, wedding band & tatas -- that's three, so you're in the clear for a while!

Louise Hay would say that need for root canal means your core beliefs are being challenged, by the way. This can be a good thing once you've worked through it all.

Whatever you believe, big zilla hugs for you! Hang in there, Becky!

ariel said...

Sounds like you had an exciting time, if you really wanted the bling bling you should have asked for gold crowns...

(I can't imagine your husband passing you over for a newer model, you're too damned cool.)

ella m. said...

Ouch. I always found it awful after you go to the dentist and your teeth are all nice and fixed up and pretty they send you a bill so astronomical that you don't feel much like smiling.

I'm glad you're on the mend though.

Sir James E. Watkins said...


damn girl. It's like a pile of shit was waiting for you to step in it. But, at the end of the day, if we can look at the ones around us and smile, all's well in the universe, or will be, soon enough.

You have a great attitude, Becky Boo.

~ The James

Cheryl said...

Root canals.

Holly said...

Love you, Becky. I'll be hollaring at you tomorrow, you special birthday girl, you!

love, hugs, and kisses

Holly said...

Ok, I found this joke, and thought you might like it, since you're having to pay a visit to the dentist's office. Enjoy.

Good Dentist

A guy and a gal meet at a bar.

They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.

A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.

He then takes off his trousers and washes his hands again.

The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist."

The guy, surprised, says " did you figure that out?"

"Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands."

One thing led to another and they make love.

After they are done, the girl says, "You must be a really good dentist."

The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Well yes, I'm a good dentist. How did you figure that out?"

"Easy. I didn't feel a thing!"

fineartist said...

Hey, would you mind stopping in at my blog?

Devin and I have a surprise for you, yah it's a surprise to Devin too, but it's all good.

And I love you way more than dancing and antibiotics and cranberry juice cocktail, now that's a whole lot sister, Lori

I love that word cocktail, sends visuals to my brain...

fineartist said...

Are you coming or what?

See I can pressure you, so comeon, comeon, comma comma comma comma comma chameleon.....I have something from the eighties on my blog...I believe you will recognize the shoulder pads...heeeeeee.

Don't make me whine,

but you can pour me a glass a wine anytime,

except when I'm working,

or if I have to drive,

because you know I can't drink a thimble full without getting all goofy.

That's it, I'm calling you, hand me the phone...

Anonymous said...

you poor, poor thing! oh, the horror of dental work. it is an uncomfortable necessary. (steven has been going every thursday for the past month to get - yes - four crowns as well!) but root canals, oh, may there be drugs and lots of 'em.

and your wedding band! how big are those diamonds in there? hopefully replacing one won't mean missing christmas. I know if one of mine fell out there's no way I'd ever find it... but even tiny diamonds are expensive, huh...

well, at least the furnace cut you a break. glad your tataas are in tact. I heard once that bad things come in 3's, so you should be all set now if that helps you feel any better. xoxo

Sassy said...

Ok Becky, today is halloween..

how about some more haunting stories?! I can't help it, im a haunting freak! :p