Friday, July 25, 2008

Laid-off, house-mouse, pet-peeve blues

Important Announcement...

Due to budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas, and oil, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off. We apologize for the inconvenience. (from a forwarded email)


*When you get laid off from a job you have had twelve years.

*When all potential employers want to pay you $10-$12 an hour.

*When you decide to be nice and take your son's friend home who lives five blocks away and get a ticket for doing a California stop at a four way stop with no other car in sight. ($110.00)

*When you are supposed to be following your husband on his bike to the lake and he is going so fast you are having to do ninety to keep up and you are pulled over. You know you were doing ninety. The cop does me a favor and writes me a ticket for eighty. ($105.00)

*When your old and senile cat wakes you up every morning at around six, meowing so loudly it is like a baby's screaming cry, because he is hungry. He will not stop until you get up and feed him.... I'm going to say this horrible thing, "Go to to light Bogart, go to the light".

*When you are walking across your kitchen floor bare footed and an unknown dirt source gets stuck to the bottom of your foot.

*When you have swept and dust mopped your floor and you see an animal hair ball floating across it.

*When you are vacuuming and the vacuum will not pic up something.

*When you bend down to pick it up and it is a cigar burn from someone who quit smoking cigarettes in March and has picked up the new habit.

*When you are folding t-shirts and the hem at the bottom stays curled up no matter how many times you give it the shake.

*Animal puke. Need I say more?

*When you have scrubbed your bathroom and your husband decides to take a bath (as opposed of using his shower)when he gets home from work (looks like someone dumped mop water in it).

*When a house member pees on the toilet seat or leaves a poop stripe on the back of it.

*When you sit on it.

*When your trash service does not pick up your large amount of recycling and you have to deliver it to a recycling location.

*When you go to the grocery store and are almost finished and realize you forgot something clear on the other side (really a bummer at the Super Walmart).

*When your pump grinder (temporary holding tank for your sewage that grinds it up before releasing it to the sewer), that is maintained by the city, stops working and you have sewage saturating the grass in your backyard.

*When they say they will use a shovel to dig it to fix it and instead use a backhoe that tears up your back yard (happening right now).

*When you switch phone service (you already had cable and Internet with them) because you have been laid off by the other company, and all of services have not been added as a bundle after the change. You have been charged for each service individually for three months and have called into billing countless times and it is still incorrect. You talk about being over charged, try your bill being doubled. (Isn't it ironic, don't ya think?)

*When your "all-in-one" phone, Internet, and cable service has not worked correctly for the last three months and the company keeps trying quick fixes when it is actually a tree down on an outside cable, on someone else's property, causing the problem they are choosing to ignore.

*When that company says it is the owners responsibility to have the tree removed and have no response when you tell them to remove the cable instead, leave the tree, and fix it. Claim it is not their responsibility to notify that said land owner. Still having service issues.

*When you have ordered a pay-per-view movie and it freezes right at the climax of the movie.

*When you are talking on your phone and intermittently, the other party can't hear you but you can hear them. They eventually hang up.

*When you are on you're taking a test on a potential employer's website and you are on question number seventy, your Internet service intermittently, bleeps out and you have to go back in to retake it and hope it doesn't happen again while you are.

*When you have now had 8 technicians come out to fix it and the problem persists.

I'm sure there are many others that I am forgetting. If so, I will come back and add them later.

You know what I love?

*When my blogger friends are coming to visit, go to a rock concert with me, and do that concert kinda dancing thing with me!!! Whoo woo!

There is a light. I think it is intermittent just like all my other services.



Ange (formerly Writer Mom) said...


We're taking beer, right?

beckyboop said...

If ya want. You can drink it in the parking lot. If ya want to buy it inside it is $8.00 or something crazy like that.

I'm not a beer drinker. I do have a six pack of some locally brewed wheat beer in my fridge that I can bring.

I don't have a Guinness. Iknow, I know, I'm sorry.

alan said...

Ooooooooo turn her on to Boulevard!


Not much of a drinker, but I took some to my b-i-l in Vermont a couple of years ago and he thought it was great!

We paid your provider by mail for years, then they lost a check, we had to put a stop on it, then they tried to double bill us for the next 2 months. Now my wife drives it to them each month and gets a receipt because she doesn't trust them!

I've never gotten On-Demand to work; last time they told me it was my wiring, and to do x, x, &x; I did as I set up my little gym; still doesn't work...

Beep-beep my ass!

Sorry if that was my suggestion that had you so disappointed (jobwise).

I'll be thinking of you all tomorrow!


beckyboop said...

Ahhh! Alan you crack me up!!!

Boulevard is exactly what I have in my fridge.

Love the beep beep my ass!!

I haven't checked your suggestion yet.

fineartist said...

Oh quit yur bitchen...we're on our way!

love ya too.

beckyboop said...


Its about time!!

ZILLA said...

Hug everyone twice, please. Once for you, once for me. And don't be the first one to let go ... never be the first one to disengage from a meaningful hug.

Also, hug yourself, from me. Preferably in the shower, while fully clothed, to get the full steamy Zilla effect. And don't let go before I do, or I'll drop the soap and you'll have to call for Randy to help us.

Also? Wine. Cleaner buzz than beer, with no nagging sleepiness. Or a Diet Pepsi (plenty of ice), if it's before 4:00pm.

That's all the advice I got.

I got plenty of envy, but no more advice.


Sir James E. Watkins said...

I'm not convinced.

I need to see more.


that old cliche is true when it rains it pours.

I just hope soon that the rain will be more refreshing to you.

Sassy said...

The toilet thing really sucks.